Journelism

Christmas time with my family is a nerve-wracking but joyous experience for many reasons. I like spending time with my family because I rarely see them when I am at college. My dad has the holiday music on and my mother is busy cooking food for the party that we will be going to later. On the other hand, I am busy surfing the Net, talking to my friends on instant message or wishing people a Merry Christmas on the phone.

My parents ask me to do many chores for them during Christmas time. This year my family will have a party at the house. During that day, my parents will ask me to sweep the floor, clean the toilets and take out the trash. I do not get annoyed at this because I look at the big picture and see that it’s important to clean the house for a good impression. After I am done with chores, my parents ask me to clean my room and get ready for church. Going to Christmas Mass with my parents is a heartwarming experience, making me grateful that I live with loving people who care for me no matter what.

There are downsides to spending Christmas with my parents. First, my mom will sometimes tell me that I am doing the chores wrong. For instance, she will tell me that I am not sweeping all the corners and then take the broom away from me to sweep it herself. It irritates me because I know that I sweep the floor “correctly” and do not need someone to tell me what to do. Second, my parents will sometimes get into a fight and it is not pretty, because my mom will give up and become passive aggressive. She will blame my dad and me because we are considered the same person to her. Then she will not want to go to the party. My dad and I will have to coax her into coming with us, which sometimes is a difficult feat as she is a very stubborn person.

This year I believe Christmas time will be wonderful in comparison to last year, when I spent that time in the car with my parents going to Las Vegas. It was not fun: it snowed along the way, there was traffic and I do not like Las Vegas because there is nothing for me to do there. This year I will see cousins that I haven’t seen in months and spend time catching up with them. It’s enjoyable and sometimes we laugh at the adventures we had. There will be irritating situations that I will have to deal with on Christmas, but I always remember that at least I have people to spend it with.

Dating is a hot topic in my Filipino household because of the strict culture and being a female only child. From my first boyfriend to my most recent relationship, my parents have seen the emotional ups and downs that I have been through with boys. The advantages of my parents knowing my relationships are that they are there to support me when I am feeling stressed out or depressed; on the other hand, my mother gossips about my relationships to her sisters, and my dad tells me all guys are pigs even if the relationship may be going well.

Someone I dated over the summer caused significant culture clashes. He was an American and came from a single-parent background, a family structure very different from mine. One of the difficulties that arose was my inability to go out late at night even though I was over the age of 18. I told him many times that since I do not work and live under my parents’ house, I have to abide by their rules. It did not make sense to him; he saw that I was able to make my own decisions and not always rely on my parents. In contrast, my parents remind that I am not financially independent and still have to follow their rules because they have supported me through so much in life. I do not like to bite the hand that feeds me, but sometimes I wonder if their need not to let me go out is part in their own insecurities and their need for control.

My parents and I would fight on a daily basis when I went out with this boy because it would be late at night. I admit that during this time I turned to lying and sneaking out. It was ridiculous to me because I was used to being able to go out late at night and sleep over at a guy’s room. Now being back at my parents’ home, following Filipino standards is something that I fight against. In addition, I argued with the guy because he did not understand that my parents are a part of me, willing to go far lengths to make sure that I follow them.

I became stressed and depressed trying to figure out how to simultaneously please American and Filipino cultures. I felt I was losing myself; these people thought they knew the best for me. In the end, going back to school was a breather from the summer. I am able to look back in retrospect and realize my mistakes, learn from them. Also, my parents and the guy were eventually able to understand why I was stressed out and mad. It’s been a difficult time because I am still going through the emotional repercussions from the summer, but I feel stronger as a result.

During winter break of my first year in college, at age 18, I went to the Philippines for the first time in nine years. Many aspects of the country changed. For example, I remember when I was originally in the Visayas, (the middle islands) the signs were in Illongo, the dialect there. When 18, I saw that there were two translations, one in Illongo and the other in English. This difference shows that when I was younger, the country was more nationalized than globalized, in comparison to today. It is not bad that the Philippines has opened its arms to other countries, especially the United States, but I feel that as a result, it is gradually losing its culture.

There are many pluses for the Philippines opening its doors to other countries. From my observation, it is gradually becoming more liberal. It is for the most part a Catholic-based country both religious and conservative, but the media, for example, allows magazines such as Cosmopolitan and Seventeen, and they are slowly becoming more tolerant of homosexuality. Another plus is that one of the sources of income for the Philippines is tourism, which has both helped financially and let foreigners understand this beautiful country.

There are also downsides to globalization. Mall of Asia, the biggest within the continent, is located in Manila. Do not get me wrong; it can be fun to browse and buy from a huge selection of stores. But having a mall that huge is unnecessary; they are already many malls throughout the Philippines, and since poverty is rampant, money should be spent fixing the problem rather than on materialistic goods. Also, Filipinos are losing sense of what is important to them as a result of the materialism introduced by Western civilization. Being materialistic is not bad, but in the Philippines, I sense that everyone has to follow the style in the moment. It’s difficult to follow what style is popular; doing so usually requires money and is reserved for the most prominent families.

I love the Philippines because of its natural beauty and tropical temperatures. Since the United States puts so much emphasis on people being individuals, the extreme form I observe is alienation. In the Philippines, I sense that people are there for one another through thick and thin. People are also more laid back in the Philippines in that work does not upstage family matters. In America, I work appears to override the family, which causes unhappiness.

Despite its flaws, the Philippines is a beautiful country, which foreigners love to come visit and vacation. I am not surprised.

I recently started my Tagalog class at the University of San Francisco, and realize that even in the language how important respect is, shown by the speaker concluding with po or ho, which in English means sir or madam.

This is different than in English, where people these days rarely say sir or madam unless on a professional level. In the Filipino culture, it is imperative that people are respectful, especially youth toward their elders; if not, consequences are dire. They may receive a slap on the face or a lecture on the importance of respect.

As opposed to America, there is more emphasis for elders to be well taken care of in the Filipino culture after they stop working. Elders stay with their offspring’s family until the day they die. It is common in this country for senior citizens to be placed in nursing homes for others—rather than their own blood—to take care of them. Now, not all Filipinos take care of their parents upon getting old and let them stay in their home. And not all Americans place their elderly parents and relatives in nursing homes. Speaking for myself, I prefer taking care of my parents when they become old because even though we’ve had our respective gripes, they always loved me even when I disliked them the most.

Respect is something that I continue to understand in the Filipino and American cultures. It’s difficult because with Filipinos, it’s unacceptable for young people to argue with older people even if they may be wrong, which at times feels like a dictatorship. In the American culture, there is more equality between family members, a dynamic I am still trying to get used to.

My name is Samantha Jean Barrera Sumampong. I am not Chinese, Indonesian, Korean, Taiwanese, Japanese, Mexican nor African-American. I am Filipino, or if you want to be specific about gender, Filipina. I was born in California, but raised in a traditional Filipino household. There are wonderful things about being raised in such a family: the relatives (for the most part) look out for one another, are very selfless and willing to give a stranger a place to sleep. The downsides are that they can be overbearing, overprotective, narrow-minded and stubborn. It doesn’t help that I am an only child. Every culture has its flaws, but sometimes they hit the breaking point, where they start using fear to discipline me instead of explaining the reasons for their anger.

One of my mom’s favorite sayings when she was mad at me was, “You are acting like an American.” It was a threat for me to be quiet and a good Filipina. Also, it emphasized that she raised me in a Filipino culture instead of an American one. For example, when I was angry at her and tried to explain why, she became defensive and would tell me I was acting like an American. In the Filipino culture, you are not supposed to talk back to your parents and explain why you are mad. But there were times I did deserve her anger, when I yelled at her instead of calming down. But there were times when I did tell her how I felt and she belittled me.

My father also comes from a traditional family. For example, he gets upset when I come home late from a friend’s house and tells me it’s inappropriate for ladies to be out late. One of his reasons is that he and my mom are afraid I’m going to be killed, raped or become pregnant. It’s understandable if I were still in high school, but it’s my third year of college and I’ve been out of the house for the past two years. I would think they would lessen their grasp on me as I grew up, but there were times I felt it tighter than ever. It’s normal for Filipino families to have their children stay in the house forever, but I don’t think it will happen with me.

I love my parents, but do not like their values shoved down my throat. According to them, I will be free to do whatever I want when I’m 21, but that doesn’t make sense to me. I’m here, now, independent, determined to make my own way. Mistakes I make will be my own. I am eager to try.